Choking on Blessings

Have you ever had something going very well for you? A new & thriving relationship, knocking it out of the park at work, or maybe finally exercising, consistently. It was going so well you begin to ask yourself the old adage, “Is this too good to be true?” You begin to doubt your success wondering if it was a set up for a let down.  You begin looking over your shoulder wondering when someone was going to tell you it was all a dream.  You begin struggling to enjoy yourself because you were anticipating eminent failure. I call this “choking on blessings“.

Chocking on blessings is when you cannot get out of your own way; tripping over your own proverbial foot. Many people fear failure, but I believe just as many (if not more) fear success.  For some this may be a product of insecurities or past failure.  For others it may be due to a struggle in accepting gifts or simply an inability to celebrate accomplishments. I believe the core struggle of chocking on blessings is fear.  Fear masks itself in many ways, but in this case, I believe fear shows itself as unworthiness.  “I’m unworthy of good so I don’t deserve to experience a blessing.” However, this kind of fear opens the door to grace.  Grace says “Even though you may not deserve the blessing, I’m going to just give it to you..I’m going to give you more than enough!”  Grace allows us to breathe in the midst of blessings versus choking on them

Rest in the reality that you can enjoy success in your life and there is nothing wrong with that.  Though fear will tell you otherwise, be reminded that grace is real and alive in your life.  As the timeless hymn says, “‘Tis grace that brought me safe thus far and grace will lead me home.”

Be My …

“Hear, Lord, and be merciful to me; Lord, be my help.” Psalms 30:10 NIV

Too often we go to God asking Him to “Give us…” In and of itself nothing is wrong with this, but our prayers shouldn’t stop there. In his most desperate times David realized God was more than just a giver; rather God IS.  He is powerful, available, and has enough capacity to be what you need in any moment. 

In Psalm 30, instead of David praying “…Lord, give me help” he leaned in and requested “…Lord, be my help”. What are you desiring from God right now? Peace, comfort, hope, companionship? Well, next time you pray, instead of asking God, “Lord, give me…”, ask Him “Lord, be my…” He’s able!

Listen to Please Be My Strength By Gungor.

The Clearing: A Short Story

The sun slipping through the blinds awakened her. As she rolled over, stretching and reaching for her phone she found herself enveloped in the smell of his scent left behind on the sheets. Suddenly, it dawned on her “It happened again!” She was in disbelief. She’d vowed to wait until right person. Maybe even marriage. She hadn’t talked to him in some time and wasn’t expecting to, but when the message came through at 2:17AM she couldn’t resist. It just felt right. She was headed home from a night of bar-hopping with the girls. Maybe it was the alcohol or her hormones…or both. Regardless, it left her, once again, empty and regretful.

They had been together for some time and she was ready to settle down.  Many of her friends were getting engaged and starting families. She wondered when her time would come. She longed to have a family. Her parents divorced when she was five, so she had little to no idea of what marriage looked like. However, she believed she would make a good wife one day. He hinted around at a long term relationship, but whenever she sought the next step he would become uncertain and abruptly disappear. She believed she deserved better, but remained with him.

One afternoon while sitting in on a meeting in the office conference room her phoned vibrated.  She looked down and saw his name.  It was a message from him, “We need to talk”…

Stay tuned.

Love Is…

Love is hard! Like, for real.  I’m not talking about that “bubble gum-feel good in the moment-infatuated infused” substitute we often call love.  No, real love. The type of love it takes to sustain a thriving marriage. The type of love you need to deal with a defiant child.  The type of love close friendships are built upon.  The type of love you need to embrace “that” family member. Sounds impossible? Here are three principles to having “real” love.

• Love Freely – Choosing to love freely means loving others without the restrictions we often place on relationships.  Usually past wounds,  whether it be the betrayal of a spouse or the absence of a parent, can lead to not forgiving. Choosing not to forgive hinders us from offering our love to others freely.  Forgiveness is choosing to release someone of their offense against you. By doing so you free them for potential consequences, but more importantly you free yourself to heal.  It also frees us from the sting of the memories.  To love freely we must walk the path of forgiveness.
• Love Fully – Choosing to love fully means loving someone with your heart, mind, and time.  I have yet to meet a person who wants to be loved half-heartedly (even if they act like it).  We all desire to be loved & accepted. Loving fully means I don’t just say it; I show it.  The challenge is we live in a world that’s constantly fighting for our attention. Therefore, I must put my phone down to give you my undivided attention.  I listen to you instead of just hearing words.   I become a student of you and your interests.  I seek to understand you. I make you a priority. Loving fully let’s others know they matter to you.
• Love Faithfully – Choosing to love faithfully is the essence of what true love is all about. It means I am committed to you and in it for the long haul. Where I’m from we call it “my ride or die”. Loving faithfully says “I’m here” no matter what. It doesn’t give up or give in easily. It’s tough to imagine this because many of us have never been loved like this…or just didn’t realize it. Loving faithfully may be challenging, but in won’t fail.

In the end, love will be.

The Kid or The Phone

Over Spring Break the kids and I went to Six Flags to have a little fun. The last time my 7-year old daughter Zoe went to Six Flags she blacked out on a coaster so she was having no parts of the “big rides”. However, her brother and I convinced her to ride the Texas Giant since it didn’t go upside down (her main reservation). So we waited in line for over an hour and the time was here!

We got in and I made sure she was locked in. As we ascended up the first (and biggest) drop of the ride I decided to capture the moment by recording a video. As we neared the top I secured my phone in the seat pouch. A few clicks. Silence. Descend. Screams! My fatherly instincts led me to keep my arm in front of Zoe. She didn’t know whether to scream or cry. As I looked over at her I noticed in the corner of my eye a small black object flying in sky. I thought for a moment, looked down at the empty pouch, and screamed “Ohhhhh, noooo!” My phone was gone! As I looked back at Zoe she had the looked of someone who was just kissed by a ghost. I saw the cry coming so I instantly told her “Just scream Zoe!” She did and we finally made it back to the loading area.

In that moment I had a choice: either freak out about my phone – potentially in pieces on the ground – or celebrate my daughter for making it through the tallest wooden coaster in the world and living to talk about it. I chose the latter. I eventually filed a report with security. My kids figured the day was over but it was actually just beginning. We rode many other rides and shut down the park. I got my phone back the next day totally unscathed. That paled in comparison to seeing my daughter “pass a test” by conquering her fear of coasters and “passing my test” by celebrating her for doing so in the face of uncertainty. I realized I could get another iPhone but I couldn’t get another first-time moment like that with Zoe.

P.S. She asked to ride the Texas Giant again.

Does technology get in the way of you enjoying special moments? How do you handle this?

I Can’t Win Her

As a man it’s in me to be competitive.  As boys my friends and I would make a contest out of something as trivial as throwing balls of paper in the trash. It’s just in us.  I presume it’s why we are drawn to competitive activities such as sports and video games.  Sadly, this is how many of us as males learned to view women; as an object to win.

The reality is I can’t win her. Life would probably be easier if I could. I’d chase her until I got her, win her over, then put her on a shelf to display and eventually collect dust. Game over. Fun fades. Next. As much as I may be tempted to “play this game”, something in me know she is worth more than that. As my daughter Zoe (age 7) told me the other morning, “It’s not like it’s a competition, and she’s not a prize.”

Though I can’t win her, I can pursue her. Not her body, her time, or money…but her heart. However, here’s the catch: only God truly knows the heart, so if that’s what I pursue it’ll be a lifelong joy of creative exploration. She is worth the pursuit even if she doesn’t realize it. She is not some prize, she is priceless. So I can’t win her…but I can win with her!

Be There

This week my firstborn child turned twelve.  It’s hard to imagine that Deuce is now a pre-teen.  I have the same sense of nostalgia that so many parents have as they see their children grow older.  Next year he will be a junior high student which means in six years he’ll be an adult! This means there are certain changes in order: no more kid’s meals (especially at his size), a later bedtime, changing interest, and PUBERTY!  Thankfully, we have already begin having conversations as I try to anticipate some of the challenges ahead of him.

Being someone who grew up without a father means I am in uncharted territory.  Unfortunately, I did not have anyone to tell me about the changes that my body would experience nor did I have any clue how I was supposed to relate to girls.  I was left to my own thoughts, and even crazier, the advice (and lies) of my junior high homies!

As a father who wants to see my son succeed I believe I owe it to him to have these uncomfortable (and at times embarrassing) conversations as well as keep an open door for any questions or thoughts he may have.  More importantly, I believe it is crucial, as his father, that I am simply there for him when he needs me…and that he knows I am there for him.  Whether it is listening to a song I’d rather not hear or playing a video that makes no sense to me, it’s my responsibility and joy to simply be there for him.

My prayer for Deuce is that he grows up to become a better man than me.  Hopefully, one day that’ll be his prayer for his son.

What advice would you have appreciated at twelve from your parent/guardian?

From Wounding to Healing With Words

In life, we all have blind spots, and recently I’ve come to realize a major one in my life.  What’s so frightening about a blind spot is that sometimes you don’t realize the damage you’re causing until after it has happened.  James 3:1-12 talks about the idea of taming the tongue; how it can be used for building up and/or tearing down each other.  Friends, I have to confess that after having to seeing the hurt in the eyes of and hearing the hurt in the voice of persons who matter so much to me that I’ve used my tongue to tear others down.  The scary part is I wasn’t even aware!  In my mind, I thought I was helping but my help was only causing deep hurt.

As someone who’s called to encourage and empower people the last thing I’d ever want to do is hurt others with my words, but I’ve done just that, I suspect, more than I know.  Truth be told, I’m now divorced, in part, to hurting others with my words. It crushes my soul to know that I’ve hurt people with my words in ignorance. What makes it worse is that I did this in such a self-righteous “Godly” manner. I had no idea that I was acting in such a prideful and arrogant way; the direct opposite of how Christ compels is to walk out our faith.

Due to the fact that so many of my roles have been public is why I’m addressing this publicly because I don’t know who I’ve affected over the years. Therefore, if I’ve hurt you with my words in any way I want you to know that I’m so sorry. If I spoke to you in a way the deflated your confidence or made you feel less than a person, I sincerely apologize. To those who trusted me enough to let me in the most sensitive areas of your life, who opened up your heart to me, I own that I may have wounded you with my words.

The good news is now I’m aware. I have people who love & care about me who are walking with me in this season as I work through the root issues of my behavior.  I believe once you know better, you should do better. I have every intent to turn away from treating anyone carelessly, not by my power but by His grace.

I love you all too much not to put myself out here to share this. Life’s too short not to take opportunities to make matters right with others. Please reach out to me personally if I can make things better between us. At the end of the day we all want to know we’re loved & accepted, myself included. I want to live out the rest of my days doing just that.

Thanks for listening.

Peace & Love.

Top Five

In 2014 a movie called “Top Five” came out in movie theaters. A running theme of the movie was characters being asked to list their top five hip-hop artist of all time. Although I would love to list my top five hip-hop artist of all time (that’s another post), I would like to list the top five life lessons I have learned as I reflect over the past year.

1. Control is overrated – In the past I have been someone who’s been considered a “control freak”, but as I have grown older life has taught me that I really don’t have control over much of anything…especially myself! Therefore, I have finally resigned as the CEO of my life and now submit control to someone who can handle it much better than me.
2. Be selfish – To some extent, we are all selfish beings, and one thing we probably don’t need more of in the world is selfishness. However, after taking advice from a friend, I have chosen to be selfish in this season of my life; not in a self-centered, consuming way, bit in a sense of learning to take care of myself and making sure that I’m being poured into so that I can pour into others.
3. Form a circle – In elementary school one of my favorite times was “circle time” when my friends and I would sit on the floor in a circle and enjoy some fun activity. Likewise, I have learned that I need to surround myself with a small circle of friends and I can enjoy and do life with; a safe place to laugh, cry, debate, and encourage each other.
4. Jesus is my homeboy – A few years ago people wore a T-shirt with the phrase “Jesus is my homeboy”, which obviously offended some Christian people, but to a certain extent the phrase had relevance. In some regard I need my relationship with Jesus to be so closely knit that I can spend time with him as if he’s one of my homeboys. He should know me better than most, and I should be able to talk to him about anything as I do with one of my homeboys. That’s a true homeboy!
5. Learn to say “Thank you” – This past year was one of the toughest years of my life, and many days I simply wanted to give up on life. For some reason I kept referring to a Bible verse (James 1:2-4) and gained some valuable insight about life. I learned that when I was able to face my toughest obstacle, work through it, and learn to say “thank you” to the obstacle for making me a stronger person, I had truly grown from that experience. So, now I learn to be thankful for opportunities to grow.

I’ve learned a lot of life lessons this past year, but these are my Top Five. I’m thankful to celebrate 37 years of life today, and I hope these lessons help you in whatever season of life you’re in.

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What’s one of your Top Five life lessons?

Church On The Court

At the age of four I sustained a serious neck injury which prohibited me from playing contact sports for life. All the more unfortunate is the fact that I grew to be six feet and six inches tall. Though I was prevented to play organized sports, growing up, I often found myself drawn to the basketball court given my height advantage. Ironically, basketball is not my favorite sport (football is) and, I’m no Michael Jordan on the court, yet my height usually gets me on the team. Over the years I have learned that even if I’m not the best basketball player on the court if I just show up at the court that’s half the battle. Here are some observations I have made over the years about the basketball court.

• When you’re in the presence of others who are playing the game well, you’re able to look at and learn from them.

• When you’re in a place where people are like-minded and are there for a common purpose (to play basketball) it crowds out a lot of “other stuff” life weighs you down with.

• When you decide to take the chance to exercise your own abilities and/or gifts on the court, you’re already in a place where you can do it without hindrance.

• When you’re on the court, even if you never score a basket, the benefits of running up and down a basketball court will be invaluable to your health.

As a follower of Christ, I have constantly had to entertain the never-ending question of “Why go to church?” Though I could give a biblical treatise defending my stance, I have learned that some of the same reasons I have shown up at a basketball court are the same reasons I have shown up at a church.

• When you’re in the presence of others who are living their life for God well, you’re able to look at and learn from them.

• When you’re in a place where people are like-minded and are there for a common purpose (to worship God and grown in their faith) it crowds out a lot of “other stuff” life weighs you down with.

• When you decide to take the chance to exercise your own God-given abilities and/or spiritual gifts to support the church, you’re already in a place where you can do it without hindrance.

• When you’re at church, even if you never preach a sermon or make some huge contribution, the benefits of working out your faith will be invaluable to your spiritual health.

True, you may not be the most holiest of Christians and not have one scripture memorized, but just showing up to church is half the battle.  There will always be competing interest and built-in excuses in our lives when it comes to growing spiritually. We must make it a priority and practice at it daily. Attending church is only one pillar to living a life committed to Christ, but it’s essential. Our life has been designed to live beyond our own goals and dreams. One Hall of Fame basketball player once said, “If all I′m remembered for is being a good basketball player, then I have done a bad job with the rest of my life.” Remember, it’s about Him!

So the next time you wake up on a weekend and start debating internally whether you should go to church or not, do as any good basketball player is taught to do, see “the entire court”.

 

Something To Consider:

Are you currently involved in a church?

What keeps you from going to church?

Describe your “ideal version” of church.

 -mm-